Bloody Sunday

The publication of the Saville Enquiry Report into the events of Bloody Sunday marks the end of, or at least a significant milestone in, a long and tortuous journey that began over 38 years ago. I was barely a month old when it happened and the trouble with growing up in Northern Ireland was that we neither lived through it nor learnt about it. So it was left to propagandists from both communities to tell pass their loaded and partial narratives off as truth to young people who knew no better. In the cacophany of counter-narratives, the simple, incontrovertible fact of thirteen dead at the scene and one four months later, seemed to get lost. The 'Ah, but sure' brigades swung into operation, condemning the violence, regretting the deaths, but also reminding the spectators that our side had it bad too.

I am an Ulster Protestant and my upbringing told me whose side I was on. At one month old on 30 January 1972, I was with the paras. They were fighting for me, to keep me safe from agitators and ne'er-do-wells seeking to rob me of my religion, rights and respect. In the battle for survival, lives are lost, sacrifices are inevitable. Those who live by the sword ....

But I am a mixed up Ulster Protestant, one who read some Irish history and came to a different conclusion from the expectation of my tribe. Does the fact that I carry an Irish passport mean I am now with the marchers from the Bogside? Was this a victory for me or a defeat? Am I the victim or the perpretrator?

I do know I feel a sense of shame today, ashamed that this happened on the streets of a place I call home and more ashamed that attempts were made to cover it up. Of course it's good news that the truth has come out, albeit 38 years later, but that is cold comfort given the enormity of that truth. It is hard to comprehend anyone - soldier or not - giving an order to gun down unarmed civilians. Harder still to appreciate the abject terror of being shot at and watching others die. To be confronted with the horror of that day leaves me angry as well as shocked. Not only how could this have happened in the first place, but how could the cover-up have gone on so long?

One community in the north of Ireland will take solace from yesterday's report and may see it as a victory of sorts; the other community is still smarting from its findings. But at least the truth is out and, if it can be faced without resort to violence or retribution, then maybe progress has been made.